To Live, To Love, To Last…My Wishes

My Love

For whatever strange reason, “love” has been the topic of many of my conversations with several of my closest friends of late.  Some want to find it, some have found it only to lose it, some think they have it, but aren’t sure, while others have it, but feel they’re losing it.  And then there are a few who have it and just love it.  I couldn’t imagine discussing it without reflecting on my own experience.  And so tonight, I begin to take it apart, piece by piece, to ask myself what does it really mean – to me?

So I had to think about how I first met my spouse…I will spare you the humorous details, but it was funny.  Past the stage of infatuation, past the stars in the eyes and the “oh he’s just perfect” and “he thinks I am, too”, I realized that the depth of love is discovered not in the beginning, but in the thick of the rough patches – and making it through them.  For me, love has shown brightest in the ugliest moments.

Like, when you’re feeling the complete opposite of beautiful, but you are treated as if you look like a star.  Or, when life has left you with some unwelcome blemishes, but you are convinced that you are perceived as flawless. When you feel like a failure, but the one you love picks you up and tells you it’s okay to try again.  Love is what you experience when you learn to accept someone’s imperfections, shortcomings, and inhibitions and still be enamored with the reality of who they are.

I’m quick to tell people that while I’d love an everyday-all-day fairytale romance, I learned early that marriage isn’t written like a script from the movies – it is work!  Quite frankly, it can be difficult to compromise.  You won’t agree on everything.  And you will get your feelings hurt – that’s a part of life.  But…what makes the greatest difference for me, really?  Is our faith.  Because at the end of the day, on the few occasions where we may have disagreements, dissensions, or hurt feelings in between – we maintain the same core of beliefs; we both feel connected to Him; we both treasure divine guidance because of what we believe God intended for our marriage.

My husband and I were spatting about something recently in a most non-verbal way.  (You know how you can give each other a “Don’t even” look…), and while I was blogging, he wrote me a little note on the back of a small card, gently placed on my laptop that said, “Marriage can be difficult…but, I promised to be with you for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”  Before I even read it, he quietly walked away.  When I revisited those vows, they meant the world to me…

I wish to live my life to the fullest.  Catch my dreams.  Pursue my passions, but I also want to enjoy being in love and all of the discoveries that come with its growing intensities along the way.  My friends whose hearts ache or are broken – I want them to find and be with the one person who will be perfect for them, because it saddens me to see their undying pain.

My friends that love being single?  I want them to get as much fulfillment out of life that they possibly can without feeling the disdain of those who believe marriage is for everyone – sometimes, it is not!  And to all that I know who are in strained relationships or marriages that seem broken, I hope they experience the healing that will allow them to know again what true love really is.  Real love…is wonderful.  It gives you a reason to live and imbues you (and your love) with the power to last.

#catchthatdream, #pursuethatpassion, #betheone, #notjustonyouranniversary, #loveeveryday, #loveforalifetime

Picture:  The day I signed on to Team Brown – and never looked back.



  1. Humility is one of the greatest qualities one can have. Your blog is amazing as it shows your humility. What I love most about this piece is it’s every women. I see myself in your blog as I want this “married happiness” for myself as well as my closest friends. What I appreciate is your honesty. That marriage is not a fairytale as a single who wants be married someday I’m enchanted with the idea of having my happily ever after.


  2. LaJoie Monique, your words warm my heart! I am delighted and humbled that it strikes you in this fashion. That makes me feel like I’m doing something right! I think writing from the heart entails the most vulnerability, but pending how it’s conveyed, it often yields a relatibility for readers that can invoke introspection or culminate in clarity. That’s important to me.

    I never consider myself an expert as there are many others with greater insights and broader knowledge; but, if nothing else, I am a thinker. I contemplate often and deliberate deeply. I believe the benefit is an ever-increasing self-awareness and a growing desire to help others when possible with lessons I’ve learned. Thanks so much for sharing. Your feedback is more valued than you know. #Iamsmiling


  3. I needed those words that you have so eloquently written. I too have gone through some rough patches in my marriage. I thought my union with “The One” would be easier than most because we were in our late thirties when we decided to become husband and wife. Well, that was not the case; it was extremely difficult. We were at a point in our marriage where we almost decided to call it quits. To make a long story short, we hung in there. With the help of much prayer & counseling, we’ve been together nine years. We are finally at a point in our marriage where the need to make each other happy supersedes the need for self gratification. Thank you for your words of confirmation. We are not perfect, but we are perfect for each other. Hugs, Tish


  4. Letitia, so glad to have helped! I have to be honest and say that was one of my harder lessons to learn (that it wasn’t going to be easy). I believe it’s because “love” is romanticized so heavily in media that it can give us a distorted view of what it really entails. Don’t get me wrong – I am still an ENORMOUS fan of romance and think that it serves a vital role in every relationship; but, as you noted – learning to work together, work on, and work through things is also essential.

    Additionally, I’m glad that you all were able to see it through to the other side! Not everyone is a fan of counseling – and having been counseled myself – I know it involves some painful moments of facing truths that may be hard to swallow. I love the last part of your comment, “We are not perfect, but we are perfect for each other.” I feel that hug all the way over here! Warmest Regards, Carla


  5. I love this post. I enjoy many of your post, but this one stuck out to me today. I’ll spare you with my emotionalism. However, I’m glad you wrote this because it seems these days (I know I’m young) but it seems as if this type of love does not exist. It’s good to know that it does! 🙂


    1. Donteisha! Don’t give up. There are so many wonderful men in existence, but I lament that they receive far less publicity with their kindness, caring, and good deeds than their raucous counterparts.

      I think the media is much more tantalized by blatant sensationalism – especially that which depicts mankind at its worst. That being said, I have a number of friends personally who are wonderful husbands, fathers, friends, confidants – and not all of them are married.

      Quite truthfully, I believe that there are more than a few men who are looking for – and feel equally (if not more selective) about – finding the most suitable female companion – for a lifetime.

      Knowing you personally, you are quite the find. Beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, and fun. I believe that there are many knights who’d love for you to be by their side.

      Be patient, be confident, and be about your business. I think the most attractive woman is not the one who looks the best, but the one who handles herself, her affairs, and her relationships with the most wisdom and class… Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us!


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