I didn’t know it would be snowing today.
Flurries of powder cascaded in front of my window like the millions of thoughts dancing in my head. I’ve pondered and presumed. I’ve pouted and pontificated. I’ve perused the possibilities of what could be and wondered why it isn’t, and I’ve struggled to reconcile them all. They are faster than I can fathom.
Millions. So many of them.
I didn’t know that my heart would be wrenched as I listened to my 13 yr. old son, required to study in detail the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade for a homework assignment last night, unearth the ugliness of humanity gone awry. He was in disbelief. Disenchanted. Disappointed about its impact on his – grandparents. Disillusioned by its far reaching effects of racism, up close and personal, on him as a – descendant. Distressed about the many truths I already knew. I was hoping that this day would never come, though I knew it was inevitable.
I didn’t know that someone we’d grown to love, a family matriarch, would be admitted to the hospital on Sunday; pushed into the statistics; another vulnerable soul pelted by the pandemic. I didn’t know she’d code on Monday. I didn’t know she’d pass in the wee hours of this morning.
Millions. So many of them.
Though visions of the wintry wonderlands usually delight me when bringing an early morning surprise, today, it just felt…cold. Chilling memories of loved ones lost grayed my broken heart. Sadness of sundry stories, political upheaval and dire dilemmas left an icy edge in what should be my warmest space; but, there was no permanent place where these oxymorons could reside. And so I cried.
And then, I remembered.
I remembered that even on my darkest days, that my hope lies not in what I see, but what I don’t see. It’s in what I believe. I believe I am ultimately taken care of by the One who made the snowflakes that float so carelessly.
I believe there is One whose strength and insights reign supreme, far surpassing the frailties and fragilities of fickle man. He sometimes goes by the name of, “I Am that I Am.” And for me, He is my everything.
He brings me solace when I don’t understand the world around me. He comforts me with words that are ever at my fingertips, even more so when I’ve engraved them in my heart, which is an art. And He need not ascribe to a political party because ultimately, His decision making is the finest of its kind. He understands the human mind.
He understands me. With all of my personal shortcomings. He is patient and kind, thinking with me in mind. He teaches me how to live life in a way that is meaningful, making the most of my time. And when I feel like I’m about to lose it – in the blink of an eye, He is there. Reminding me that He never left, and still cares.
I’m so thankful.
He heals me from the inside out. He tramples my doubt with reminders that only He can guarantee. He is the best part of me. Though I’m saddened by many of the troubling things I see, He keeps my headspace in the right place. He replaces my cold face with hopeflakes – so that the millions of my thoughts circling in my head are no longer laden with that which would make me feel leery. It is leveled with the hopes, that assure me, I am loved.
And that – warms my heart.
#thebestgiftIveeverreceived #Hekeepsmeinperfectpeace #Iamnotalone #grateful #headspace #hopeflakes #afaiththatneverfalters #trustingHim #loveheals #carlamichelle #priceless