Healing, Headspace & Hopeflakes

An unexpected view on a graying day that felt colder in my heart than the snow outside

I didn’t know it would be snowing today.

Flurries of powder cascaded in front of my window like the millions of thoughts dancing in my head. I’ve pondered and presumed. I’ve pouted and pontificated. I’ve perused the possibilities of what could be and wondered why it isn’t, and I’ve struggled to reconcile them all. They are faster than I can fathom.

Millions. So many of them.

I didn’t know that my heart would be wrenched as I listened to my 13 yr. old son, required to study in detail the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade for a homework assignment last night, unearth the ugliness of humanity gone awry. He was in disbelief. Disenchanted. Disappointed about its impact on his – grandparents. Disillusioned by its far reaching effects of racism, up close and personal, on him as a – descendant. Distressed about the many truths I already knew. I was hoping that this day would never come, though I knew it was inevitable.

I didn’t know that someone we’d grown to love, a family matriarch, would be admitted to the hospital on Sunday; pushed into the statistics; another vulnerable soul pelted by the pandemic. I didn’t know she’d code on Monday. I didn’t know she’d pass in the wee hours of this morning.

Millions. So many of them.

Though visions of the wintry wonderlands usually delight me when bringing an early morning surprise, today, it just felt…cold. Chilling memories of loved ones lost grayed my broken heart. Sadness of sundry stories, political upheaval and dire dilemmas left an icy edge in what should be my warmest space; but, there was no permanent place where these oxymorons could reside. And so I cried.

And then, I remembered.

I remembered that even on my darkest days, that my hope lies not in what I see, but what I don’t see. It’s in what I believe. I believe I am ultimately taken care of by the One who made the snowflakes that float so carelessly.

I believe there is One whose strength and insights reign supreme, far surpassing the frailties and fragilities of fickle man. He sometimes goes by the name of, “I Am that I Am.” And for me, He is my everything.

He brings me solace when I don’t understand the world around me. He comforts me with words that are ever at my fingertips, even more so when I’ve engraved them in my heart, which is an art. And He need not ascribe to a political party because ultimately, His decision making is the finest of its kind. He understands the human mind.

He understands me. With all of my personal shortcomings. He is patient and kind, thinking with me in mind. He teaches me how to live life in a way that is meaningful, making the most of my time. And when I feel like I’m about to lose it – in the blink of an eye, He is there. Reminding me that He never left, and still cares.

I’m so thankful.

He heals me from the inside out. He tramples my doubt with reminders that only He can guarantee. He is the best part of me. Though I’m saddened by many of the troubling things I see, He keeps my headspace in the right place. He replaces my cold face with hopeflakes – so that the millions of my thoughts circling in my head are no longer laden with that which would make me feel leery. It is leveled with the hopes, that assure me, I am loved.

And that – warms my heart.

#thebestgiftIveeverreceived #Hekeepsmeinperfectpeace #Iamnotalone #grateful #headspace #hopeflakes #afaiththatneverfalters #trustingHim #loveheals #carlamichelle #priceless

20 thoughts on “Healing, Headspace & Hopeflakes

  1. Stunning. The way you juxtapose imagery in this piece is so powerful–the wonder and the ugliness, the cold and the warmth, the sorrow and the hopefulness. This line gave me goosebumps: “Chilling memories of loved ones lost grayed my broken heart. Sadness of sundry stories, political upheaval and dire dilemmas left an icy edge in what should be my warmest space. . .” So very sorry for your loss and for all the things that are making life so hard. And. . . so grateful to see you back in this space sharing your beautiful writing with us. I appreciate that you took time to write and share today.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amy…thank you for inviting me nearly a year ago. I was so excited about the concept of an international community of writers, and though my life went on a roller coaster shortly thereafter, I have thought affectionately about writing with this group since then. It appears that there have always been reasons where I couldn’t seem to manage to pick up the proverbial pen.

      Nevertheless, I cherish the most honorable work that you do – and as I attempted to make sense of my sullenness today, I couldn’t help but think of the platform to which you introduced me. I couldn’t think of a better place to share what was most prominent in my heart – and to that end, I extend my sincerest thanks to you all.

      It felt like home. Thank you for creating and maintaining this safe space…I’ve missed it terribly.

      ~Carla Michelle

      Liked by 1 person

  2. How can so much hurt and pain be so beautifully written?! You have such a gift. My son always and still does at 26 years old complain about how slavery was taught in school. The facts are scarce and the only thing that’s taught is slavery and that’s not all black people were. While it makes him sick and sad, It helped him to also know (and research on his own because it’s not taught in school) all the positives of that time where black people were inventing things and writings books and making names for themselves. So while he’s down and out also remind him of the good. It doesn’t take away the pain but for my son it shed a bit of light down the dark hole when he was so easily influenced. God bless him and your family. I love y’all so much.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tara,

      Thank you so much first – both for reading and for responding. I cannot tell you how much that means to me as a writer. What is writing if it isn’t read?

      I believe pain can be a beautiful thing – because it has the potential to transition into the positives that can be the foundation for your greatest strengths. Pain has made me stronger. It has made your son wiser and better informed. It is a premise on which the greatest loves can be built.

      I definitely understand your son’s anguish – and I applaud both your efforts to balance it with the positive. I look forward to continuing to affirm him for being the beautiful boy that God has created. I am incessantly grateful for what you’ve shared with me and the light you so brightly shine.

      From the heart,

      ~Carla Michelle

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  3. I had to reread your piece several times….the alliteration in the beginning brought me in, fast and playful, only to be slowed at first by the reality that found your son, then the pandemic that reached your loved one, and then to be raised up by your faith & your hope. It was beautifully crafted and will stay wit me for a long time. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. amyilene,

      I am most elated that you “reread [the] piece several times…” Something leaps inside me at the thought of allowing writing to permeate your thoughts…and I love the love affair with words. I’ve felt since childhood that they are among my most exciting friends.

      I think I have a great affinity for alliterations. It’s something fascinating to me about how pleasurably they land on the ear – and the construction of the light hearted aligned to the heavy laden lends itself to invoking such thoughtfulness. Nevertheless, I am often compelled to end my writing with that which is uplifting.

      My life has been filled with so many unexpected twists and turns in the last year, writing has often been pushed into the recesses of my mind. So many obligations; responsibilities; non-negotiables; but, writing thrives in my heart. So, when it isn’t penned on paper, it is written in the annals of my thoughts.

      Today, I didn’t want to squelch those sentiments any longer. It has been nine long months. I couldn’t achieve the requisite relief unless I could simply – write. Thank you for taking the time to read it – several times (smile) – it is perhaps one of the greatest rewards of writing at all, knowing that there is a reader to read.

      With Thoughtful Regards,

      ~Carla Michelle

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  4. Carla,
    I feel your sadness. This world frequently causes us to question our sanity and reflect on humanity. But, it is our faith in things not seen that will ultimately get us through it all. One thing that we should all know for sure is that time is not promised and we should seek joy in the littlest things. It’s hard to do in such perilous times but gratitude in times of strife will help us find joy, eventually.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.
    -Malene

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Malene,

      Thank you for your affirmations – and even more so for helping me to become a stronger writer and teacher of writing. I continue to cherish the lessons I learn from you, both intended and unanticipated. It is a boundaryless class for which I intend to be enrolled as a life long learner.

      With Warmest Regards,

      ~Carla Michelle

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  5. Carla
    I was a bit anxious to read to read this. I waited until I was alone because I knew tears would fall. I know very well how deeply touching your words can be. I’ve read every word and instead of feeling pain, loss and sorrow I smiled. These words are comforting and full of hope.
    Thanks to both you and your sweet mother that I call my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Mrs. Bellamy,

      Firstly, thank you so much for the sincerity of your words. They have touched my heart in a way that I cannot adequately describe with mere words.

      Additionally, I’m so glad that in lieu of pain, they’ve filled your heart with comfort. I’ve experienced so much sorrow in my life that I shudder at the thought of adding mounting angst. It is one of many reasons why I limit my viewing of news shows and excessive social media – they are often filled with the most disheartening stories.

      I’d much rather ease my pain with the hopes that I know are both valid and credible – because of with whom the promises originate. I learned the hard way not to put my ultimate trust in people. We are all too imperfect; too inconsistent; too frail – to make a promise of a perfect love without ever breaking it.

      Knowing that I am loved by Someone who can never err is the greatest consolation I’ve ever had. He can handle my life’s troubles and all of my mistakes, thank God! Knowing that He walks along side me is all the assurance that I need.

      Thank you for reading, and even more, for sharing your heart.

      With Warmest Regards,

      ~Carla Michelle

      P.S. Your sweet friend taught me everything I know. She’s the reason why I got to know Him for myself…

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  6. Beautiful words! I’ve missed your writing. I’m sorry for your loss.
    Reading your words today warmed my heart. I would like to invite you to write with our SJFT (Spiritual Journey First Thursday) group. We write on the First Thursday of each month. Fran Haley is hosting in February and our theme is Take Heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ramona,

      I’m so honored! I didn’t know that anyone considered my writing something to be missed (it’s been so long)! Hearing that they warmed your heart is an even greater delight (sigh)! It just makes the writing feel more special.

      I would love to learn more about the SJFT group. This is the first I’ve heard of it. Please let me know where I could find more details. It would be my pleasure – and I love your February theme.

      With Warmest Regards,

      ~Carla Michelle

      Like

      1. Good Evening, Ramona!

        Today was a day filled with a laundry list of tasks, but I greatly appreciated your thoughtful reminder. I read your post and Fran’s eagerly, and finally squeezed in some time to write a post on my blog here with the same theme as well (I hope I did that correctly, I’m not quite sure!)

        I left a comment on Fran’s page and included a link to my own where I wrote on the theme. If I didn’t follow the protocol, I do sincerely apologize; and if I got it right, I extend my thanks for inviting me to participate! It was a wonderful experience.

        Many blessings to you and your family, and please know that you are all in my prayers.

        With Warmest Regards,

        ~Carla Michelle

        Like

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