So I’ve been purging. Sometimes, cleaning various rooms, making the hard decision to separate myself from student papers that are older than some of my children; parting with items that I can no longer validate holding on to; removing relics that I recognize my husband was right in gently sharing with me that they were fairly purposeless and collecting dust, and for very brief moments – trying to soak in some sun, celebrating the most beautiful days, when the heat is not unbearably sweltering.
I’m still working like a queen bee, hovering over countless tasks, enjoying the work. I’m thrilled about new ideas, blossoming relationships and enthused clients, but I’m still trying to remember balancing business with bolstering memories. It’s been challenging; in part because the media of late has swirled with realities that I find heart wrenching, and while I want to remain informed, I toil with severing my connection to the tube. I feel it has betrayed me, offering me more opinions and slanted views than facts and fairness.
Nevertheless, irrespective of my entrepreneurial priorities, I was easily compelled to shut down my office the day after I received my own earth shattering news: my three year old was going on his first field trip…to Discovery Green. It was time to celebrate.
Interestingly, when I allow myself to submerge beneath the surface of conversational courtesies and pleasant exchanges of political rhetoric, I engage in quite a bit of self-talk. I ask myself reflectively for answers that sometimes remain unearthed. More importantly, I consider the impact of the world in which we live, or rather the decisions we’re making while in it. And in my queries of how deeply I’m affected, I find myself consistently turned towards those who’ll remain long after we’re gone. Our children.
It reminds me of countless things, but I’m opting to share a few – some out of mere adoration and others, out of unspoken obligation. Acutely aware that you may find a connection from a vantage point that I’ve not considered at all, it is my hope that my thoughts will at least tickle your fancy, and if not, then perhaps you will still find something for your enjoyment.
That being said, I am reminded first of the purity of love. Amazing, isn’t it? That it comes in so many shapes and sizes? That we can love our spouses; our children; our siblings; our parents; our families; our friends; our pets; our passions. That it is encompassed in a word so simple, but espouses such emotional depth…it leaves me speechless.
I watched three of my four boys (as the youngest turned four months last week) with incessant affection as they ran through the cooling waters that cascaded over their soft, brown skin. And all I could think about was how much I loved them.
I think they loved…getting wet; the carelessness of their disposition. The fact that they had no responsibilities, requirements, regrets, rebuttals. They were enjoying the soothing spheres of liquid joy and savoring the signs that pleasure was plenty. And I was elated.
For a moment, I also remembered the plausibility of pain. I jumped just a bit if they got too close to someone else’s child, hoping there would be no unnecessary confrontations. I worried that they might stumble or fall on the concrete beneath the water and injure themselves badly.
I was anticipating their disappointment when I’d tell them we’d have to go, knowing they would stay until the park had closed if they could. I worried that despite my best efforts, they’d still want to do more than the fun-filled day I’d already planned. And then I thought a bit more broadly.
I thought about the confrontations I couldn’t guarantee they wouldn’t have – in life. Not because of how they look, but really because of what they are – human. And as humans, we will always have conflict.
I thought about the obstacles and incidents that I won’t be able to protect them from years from now. I thought about when they’ll fall, and I won’t be able to pick them up. And I won’t be able to hold their hand. And I won’t be able to kiss their knees or rub their broken hearts, or make the pain go away. And I felt – scared. And helpless. And vulnerable.
But I also remembered, what my husband and I are teaching them. I know what we believe. I know in Whom we trust and how far His reach extends beyond what we could ever understand. And that comforts me greatly. Quite frankly, I don’t think I could have peace without Him – because I don’t have all the answers. And as much as I’d like to be Superwoman, sometimes I think I have more kryptonite than kudos.
I have no idea what will be the future of my Final Four Brown Boys…but I have high hopes and great expectations, whatever their choices may be. I know life will have its share of obstacles, and I’ll endeavor to do my best to help them through each and every one; but when I can’t, I will pray. And when I can, I will still pray…because I believe we should pray without ceasing (smile).
And I hope that the love and patience and kindness with which we’ve raised them will wash over their fears of tomorrow. Moreover, I hope that what they’ve learned from us, they will inherently share – and change the lives of others with the faith that moves mountains.
I savor everyday that they linger in innocence, and I hope they take their liquid joy and let it rain over their future. I think we could all benefit from more of this kind of rain. It’s time to use it to raise a generation that recognizes what we need most…
Caption: When loving and laughter are pure and simple. #itstimetocleanseourminds
#catchyourdreams, #betheone, #pursueyorpassion, #cleanseyourmind