A friend I love called me with an unexpected request last night – a blog post with a cure for a broken heart. I am humbled and taken aback – and feel compelled to pause. I can’t say that I have the answer to the heart’s ills, but I do have some opinions.
Our hearts can be broken for so many different reasons. Some that I’ve heard within the last few weeks were wrenching. Spouses, significant others, siblings, children with dying mothers and fathers, supervisors, friends, and countless others who simply felt devastated by the emotional damage sustained. It hurts, and while you feel the pain sharply, you are unable to touch it to make it feel better. Nevertheless, I think sometimes, you can soothe it.
When I recall the many instances where I was on the other side of pain, I am thrust into the dark days when I didn’t want to crawl out of bed. Tear-soaked pillow cases and dreadful mornings were my norm, and I frustrated myself with endless questions for which I had no answer; but, I learned very quickly that mulling over what went wrong and what wasn’t right didn’t make me feel better – it made me feel worse! I was deepening my anguish just by replaying my catastrophes in my mind’s eye without allowing myself to breathe. I was feeling – suffocated.
So, I peeled myself out of the bed and decided to get some sunshine. Not just the kind outside, but the kind that emanated from me before I had allowed someone to shatter my dreams, which I was otherwise so eagerly pursuing. I forgave (and still forgive) the people who hurt me most – because hanging on to the baggage is so lethal. It allows contempt, hatred, and fear to stew like a viscous poison. I don’t have the emotional capacity to be so seared by someone else’s poor decisions.
I believe that God loves everyone, which elates me. However, I think we must also love ourselves. Quite honestly, it took me a long time to grasp that because for many years, after believing mean children over loving parents, I was convinced that I had little for others to love. So much so that as a young girl, I considered quite seriously taking my life – because the pain inside was so overwhelming. But I didn’t…
…because I still believed I had something to look forward to. I wanted to stand in the sun-drenched tomorrows. I knew that even though there were those that had hurt me, there were countless others who loved me; believed in me, and thought I could conquer the world. I wanted to know if they were right. I wanted to see in me what they saw, but it took a while for my vision to come into focus. Even now, when I do something “great,” I find myself in disbelief while others seem to think it was at my fingertips. For me, greatness sometimes still seems faraway.
If your heart has been broken, you may wince many years from now as there are pains that are hard to heal, but first – forgive. Let go of the resentment you may have towards the one who hurt you in the first place, whether intentional or non, disallow it to affect you in a way that infringes on your happiness. Step Two – Love you! Indulge in things that make you so happy that you allow yourself to stretch the momentary joys of savoring the simple things. And who knows what you like better than you? No one.
Step three: Surround yourself with those who don’t break your heart and do love you – because they see the real you even when it’s buried under despair…and they don’t care…because they love you just the way you are. They can be great sources of comfort. I am happier today than I’ve ever been – even with a few days of rain. And if you’re looking for love, relax. More likely than not, you really are a great catch. Shed your anxieties so you can allow love to find you – and continue to love yourself until you find that dream. They’re out there. Pray about it. Your healing love may just be looking – for you.
#sendmesomesun, #drenchthepain, #loveyourself, #doyou, #catchyourdreams
Picture: Capturing the sun that can drench the pain, even when it seems the blocking branches would get in the way. It still seeped through and made my day.