Carla M. Brown |Speaker| Writer|Educator|Coach|

We have the perfect words. Write when you need them. Visit us at www.carlambrown.com


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Sometimes, I Forget… Learning to Love Again

me

I wish I could say, “I can do it all.”  I’d like to.  I’d like to know it.  To see it. To have it.  To make it.  To sing it.  To write it.  To say it.  To play it.  To create it, find it, feel it.  And maybe even fake it.  And sometimes – I can…  Because…I’m a fixer.  I think I’ve been tasked by the Lord to fix every problem known to man – because if I could just find the solution, life would be better for everyone.  Or at least that’s what I’d like to believe… Sometimes.

But, what I’ve learned when I sink back down into my reality of life on Earth, is that not only am I unable to fix everything – I am actually guilty of the unthinkable sin – forgetting.  I forget that in my humanity, I will make mistakes, more often than I prefer and in the times that I’d wish I could make them go away the most.  I forget that even if I sometimes feel invincible, life can go on in my absence.  I forget that when I don’t pull it together, it affects the ones I love the most.

I forget that my minor mistakes will not turn the corporate world upside down.  I forget that some people who say wonderful things about me are only pretending, and I should get over my hurt feelings quickly, because those people are everywhere I go.  I forget that people I love may hurt me by accident, but I must still love them on purpose.

Here lately, I’ve forgotten some things that were more important.  I forgot to remember to chase what I love…

I forgot that in the midst of doing a good job at my job, and doing a good job for my family, and a good job for my friends and a good job for my students and a good job for my clients, to do a good job at remembering me.  And so I’ve watched the dreams that I’ve been attempting to catch, almost wash away.  That was scary.  I forgot to love me.

I forgot, what I loved…because I haven’t made the time to love it the way I used to.

Time up.

So I’ve decided that instead of losing myself in the world-of-being-overwhelmed, I’m going to lose myself instead – in love.  In the people I love.  The things I love.  The places I love.  In loving myself…and the One who loves me most.

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Every time I learn that someone has “passed on,” I am reminded of how fragile and temporary our lives are here.  Losing my dad…has still hurt me the most, to date.   I know I can’t stop myself from losing anyone else, as everyone has their appointment with Him.  But knowing our lives are limited, it makes me want to love more, and deeply; meaningfully; genuinely.  Because if I don’t, my opportunity to express – or feel – that love, may go away.

So here are my tips and tidbits.

  1. Celebrate every sunset.  Cherish every cloud.  No two are the same.  You should treasure them both – and everything that is equally beautiful!
  2. Say, “I love you,” whenever you can.  You may think they know it, but you don’t say it nearly as often as you should.  It feels so much better to hear it.
  3. Forget about the expensive things.  They’re nice, but overrated.  Remember that things that are unique to the ones you love are the most special of all.  Show them that you thought about them so much, that what you’re sharing wouldn’t be special to anyone else except them.
  4. And lastly, remember that love isn’t just for the person you date or marry.  You have more relationships than you know.  Show everyone you love how much you love them.  It will last for a lifetime.

I know who I love the most…and I’m so glad, they love me.

#thankyou, #catchyourdreams, #inloveagain, #learningtolovemelikeilovethem

Picture:  Remembering one of the many things I love… #thebeautyofnature


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To Live, To Love, To Last…My Wishes

My Love

For whatever strange reason, “love” has been the topic of many of my conversations with several of my closest friends of late.  Some want to find it, some have found it only to lose it, some think they have it, but aren’t sure, while others have it, but feel they’re losing it.  And then there are a few who have it and just love it.  I couldn’t imagine discussing it without reflecting on my own experience.  And so tonight, I begin to take it apart, piece by piece, to ask myself what does it really mean – to me?

So I had to think about how I first met my spouse…I will spare you the humorous details, but it was funny.  Past the stage of infatuation, past the stars in the eyes and the “oh he’s just perfect” and “he thinks I am, too”, I realized that the depth of love is discovered not in the beginning, but in the thick of the rough patches – and making it through them.  For me, love has shown brightest in the ugliest moments.

Like, when you’re feeling the complete opposite of beautiful, but you are treated as if you look like a star.  Or, when life has left you with some unwelcome blemishes, but you are convinced that you are perceived as flawless. When you feel like a failure, but the one you love picks you up and tells you it’s okay to try again.  Love is what you experience when you learn to accept someone’s imperfections, shortcomings, and inhibitions and still be enamored with the reality of who they are.

I’m quick to tell people that while I’d love an everyday-all-day fairytale romance, I learned early that marriage isn’t written like a script from the movies – it is work!  Quite frankly, it can be difficult to compromise.  You won’t agree on everything.  And you will get your feelings hurt – that’s a part of life.  But…what makes the greatest difference for me, really?  Is our faith.  Because at the end of the day, on the few occasions where we may have disagreements, dissensions, or hurt feelings in between – we maintain the same core of beliefs; we both feel connected to Him; we both treasure divine guidance because of what we believe God intended for our marriage.

My husband and I were spatting about something recently in a most non-verbal way.  (You know how you can give each other a “Don’t even” look…), and while I was blogging, he wrote me a little note on the back of a small card, gently placed on my laptop that said, “Marriage can be difficult…but, I promised to be with you for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.”  Before I even read it, he quietly walked away.  When I revisited those vows, they meant the world to me…

I wish to live my life to the fullest.  Catch my dreams.  Pursue my passions, but I also want to enjoy being in love and all of the discoveries that come with its growing intensities along the way.  My friends whose hearts ache or are broken – I want them to find and be with the one person who will be perfect for them, because it saddens me to see their undying pain.

My friends that love being single?  I want them to get as much fulfillment out of life that they possibly can without feeling the disdain of those who believe marriage is for everyone – sometimes, it is not!  And to all that I know who are in strained relationships or marriages that seem broken, I hope they experience the healing that will allow them to know again what true love really is.  Real love…is wonderful.  It gives you a reason to live and imbues you (and your love) with the power to last.

#catchthatdream, #pursuethatpassion, #betheone, #notjustonyouranniversary, #loveeveryday, #loveforalifetime

Picture:  The day I signed on to Team Brown – and never looked back.